Gratitude

After having a dear friend over all day today so that I could get some rest and chores done, I started to ponder what this experience has shown me. I feed ashamed that Parker is now almost 1 month old and I am finally writing this Blog, but I feel a little justified because the lack of sleep has made my brain a little slower.

We have been showered with love, kindness and charity from family and friends through this baby process. From baby showers from dear friends and co-workers, to many many gifts/cards (many of which came from unexpected donors) including an amazing baby photo shoot, to meals (2 weeks worth from my amazing mother alone), to advice, to text messages, to phone calls and to babysitting, there has been an overabundance of love.

I don't even know where to begin to express our gratitude and appreciation. To be honest, we were entirely taken by surprise! When Chad and I received his job offer to move to Marietta, GA, we were both a little uneasy. Chad was from Colorado and I was from California - both attended college in Utah - we were west coasters through and through. It was going to be hard for us to move across the country to a place where we knew NO ONE. I even thought about when we would have our first child and was sad - how would we do it? Would I have help? Would I even HAVE a shower? Who would come?...etc... I feared change and did not know if we would fit in, in GA.

From the minute we moved here we felt it was right and have been embraced by those around us. What we never expected is the out pour of love we would receive from all our friends and family when Parker was born. We have been completely overwhelmed and feel so blessed and ashamed to even doubt the Lord's plan for us and our move down here.

I wanted to publicly thank all our family, friends and co-workers (that are also friends ;) ) for everything that they have done for us. We cannot express our appreciation or explain how loved and at home it has made us feel. Georgia truly is our home and we love living here!

Sleep

I never realized how much I rely on a good night's sleep. When Chad and I were first married it was really hard on me because he was a night owl and I just could not keep up. However, as the honeymoon stage melted away, the need to stay up late and spend every waking moment with him diminished and 6 out of the 7 days of the week you would find me in bed much earlier than him. In fact, Chad and I stopped carpooling to work together because even though I went to bed before him, I STILL got up much later than him and he did not like getting to work as "late" as I did.

Funny, how having Parker changed decades of habits. 1 night (Parker being born) and life is different. I am able to not only stay up late, but I am now able to function (pretty effectively might I add) on very little sleep. Not only that, but seeing Chad in zombie form has been quite entertaining. Chad IS able to stay up later and get up earlier, however, when he is actually sleeping, he is a zombie. Several times during these past 3 weeks of Parker's life, I have asked Chad for help in the middle of the night only to realize that my husband has NO IDEA what is going on - I don't even think he knows that he is on planet earth when sleeping. We have both laughed at some of the funny events/things Chad has done when asked to do something while sleeping. And NO, it's not an act folks, he really DOES want to help, but has no sense of reality at night time...at least last night I stopped him from opening and spilling Parker's bottle all over the bed after asking him to fill it up. Apparently, he must have been dreaming that he was in the kitchen or something, because he proceeded to open the bottle in the bed and was in the process of pouring it out, before I stopped him. We both laughed in the morning.

Sleep. The most precious gift a husband and wife can give each to one another after a baby is born. Something I took for granted. Something I never knew would matter so much to me. Something Parker does not like to do at night ;)

Despite our lack of sleep, Chad and I are smitten with our little man.

Parker sleeping on Mommy while she attempts to hold him and pump

Chillin with Steph Lynes while Mommy took a nap

Parker laying on the bed (yes that is a plastic sheet) right after soiling the real sheet during a diaper change - Mommy looked away for 1 second...

Kennestone Hospital: the good, the bad and the ugly

After the delivery the nurses wheeled me upstairs to my room. Unfortunately, my room was RIGHT outside the nurses station. You would think that this would be a positive thing, quick response time, etc, but in reality, all it meant was that Chad and I could hear the music they were listening to during the night shift...ALL NIGHT LONG... :(

When we got back to the room, I immediately did skin to skin with Parker and tried to breast feed him. All of my classes said that it was crucial for you to try to breast feed the baby when they are alert right after birth because soon after they go into a deep slumber for 12-48 hours. From try #1 Parker just did not like breast feeding. He would latch on and try for a few minutes and then just cry and cry and cry. The nurses kept telling me to keep trying, but I had the feeling that he was just HUNGRY and not getting anything. We kept trying and to this day, I have NO CLUE, whether he actually got any nourishment, but sure enough, the slumber time hit and he was out cold. Every time that I tried to wake him up to breast feed, he stayed sound asleep. The nurses told me to undress him and get him "really uncomfortable" to wake him up so that I could feed him. (Now I know my little fellow's personality, temper and all, and waking him up by making him uncomfortable was my first mistake).

Needless to say, hours had passed and Parker still had not eaten much if anything (we are still not sure after being empty on food and water, if I had anything to give at all). Then the slumber ended and took patience along with it. Parker woke from his slumber and he was HUNGRY. I tried breast feeding him on both sides. he would latch on and try for awhile and then scream and scream and scream. I had every nurse in the entire place try to help me, but each said "he just needs to learn." Well in the mean time, I had a HUNGRY little man screaming for food. At one point he tried for over 45 minutes and afterwards just screamed. I believe at this point I SHOULD have realized that he was not getting what he needed.

The nights were the worst, because the night nurses were very insensitive and unhelpful. Many times Parker would be screaming and I had been waiting on a nurse to come in and help for 15-20 minutes or more.

I tried to breast feed him all day Saturday and Sunday and he was getting more and more upset. It got to the point that I would bring him near my chest and he would not even try to latch on anymore, he would immediately begin screaming. I truly believe that the poor little fella was SO hungry and I had nothing to give him, so he learned that sucking was not getting him anything and he was as frustrated as mommy was.

The last night (Sunday) the nurse measured his weight and told me that he had lost 8% of his weight and that if he hit 10% weight loss they would not let us leave the next day. After hours of him crying and me crying and no one sleeping, we finally gave the nurse the okay to give him formula (the nurse had been pushing formula since the beginning of her shift - she was not helpful at all and had zero patience with us or Parker).

I really wanted to breast feed, but things were not looking good, so the Monday day shift nurse gave me a syringe to manually feed him with, so that he did not get nipple confusion from a bottle. Chad and I did that the next two nights (fed him in a syringe with formula or the LITTLE milk that I could pump - this was indeed proof that he was not getting anything, I would pump for 30 mins and get a combined 1.5 oz. The problem was that the syringe method took 2 people and also took FOREVER. We were basically up all night long and Chad was going to have to go back to school and work - so no sleep was not an option.

After 2 days of crying all night in the hospital and 2 days of crying all night at home and still no successful breast feeding (at this point Parker would scream the minute I put him up to my chest and would not even TRY to latch on), I decided to move on. I called my sister-in-law Jessi and also my sister-in-law Katie and talked to both of them about options. I finally decided to pump 100% and feed Parker using a slow flow newborn bottle.

It was a very hard decision for me and even a few days after, I tried to get Parker to breast feed (once he was not starving anymore) with no success. I really wanted to breast feed. It was the "natural" way. It is what women are supposed to do. Luckily, my mom was in town and told me that each of her kids were different. Some breastfed naturally, others just would not and with each kid she had to decide how to handle it. Then she informed me that I was not breast fed. That I was too difficult and would not latch on. I also talked to Jessi who had to do different things for each of her kids as well. After talking to them and several more people, I realized that I was not the ONLY person that had trouble breastfeeding and that it was OK.

Honestly, now I look at it as a blessing. I LOVE pumping. It is a lot of extra work, but during the day, I can go to the store and give Parker a bottle if he gets hungry. I can plan and organize my pumping schedule, something you cannot do with a baby's eating schedule. Lastly, other people can feed and watch Parker, which gives me a break and some independence.

Below are some pictures of Parker at the hospital. The next post will include pictures of Parker at home. Stay tuned :)

Parker RIGHT after birth

Mommy and Parker

Dad and Parker watching the BYU game

Right before leaving the hospital

We're Back and Bigger: And not JUST in terms of weight ;)

Sadly, it has been over a YEAR since we last posted. Our lives became so mundane, I could not find anything very post-worthy to talk about. BUT, if you feel like you missed out on a year of our lives, I will sum it up below for you:

We got up every Monday morning and drove to work. We worked all week with an occasional softball game for Chad, and Mutual every Wednesday for Danielle and relaxed and did chores on the weekends. Chad is in the Elder's Quorum Presidency so he moved like 100 families, and I am in the Young Women's Presidency so I hung out with awesome crazy girls all the time. Oh, and I can't forget the Sunday dinners at the Borg's (our adopted family in GA).

We did buy a house. THAT was post worthy, but I was so out of touch at that point...

That is pretty much it! Now you can see why we were missing from the Blogger world for so long!

However, our perfectly scheduled and organized life just changed. On September 8, 2012, Parker Michael Pharo was born. For those of you who are NOT interested in reading about the birth story, you can stop here :) I would leave it completely out, but I plan on turning my blog into one of those books, so would like to document it for memory sake - apparently you DO forget. (Side note- when my mother was in town helping us with Parker, I asked her how my birth was...she said, "oh, I can't remember"... after my traumatizing experience ;) I beleive now that I will NEVER forget, but I know that is just not true.

My due date was September 1, 2012, but that date came and went. In fact, I was pretty much MRS. grumpy pants at every social function after that date because I had PLANNED to have the baby by then. That word PLAN - will haunt me forever I guess, since with Parker, nothing has gone as planned... I saw the  doctor on the Tuesday after I was due and she decided that it was time to schedule my induction. The ultrasound was estimating my baby at 9 lbs and she did not want the baby to get too big for a vaginal birth, so the date was set September 6, 2012 we would begin induction in the evening. September 6, rolled around and Chad and I ate my last meal (Chick fil A) and called the hospital at 5:30 PM to see if they had a room. They didn't. Called at 7:30 PM...no room. Called at 11:00 PM to announce I was going to sleep. They laughed and said, you will most likely get called in the middle of the night. Sure enough, 2 AM rolls around and the hospital calls - it's time. (I had not gotten any sleep from 11 to 2 - too anxious) Now I know better and STARTING an induction at 3 AM with no sleep...not a good idea, but at the time I was blissfully clueless.

Chad and I gathered the 50 bags we packed and headed to the hospital anxious and excited. We checked in, signed a bunch of documents that we did not read (does anybody take the time to read all those papers?) and I entered room 309.

At 3 AM I started Phase I of induction with pills to force my body to dilate. Having no clue how long this process was going to take, I could not sleep so I watched some shows on my phone. Then 7 AM rolled around and the fun began - I was dilated to a 3 and so they started my first of many doses of Pitocin. They brought me breakfast right before, but the hospital food is disgusting and all I ate was the bacon - BIG MISTAKE. Any food is better than no food.

They started the doses of Pitocin off normal, but by body was just not reacting. I was contracting but not in a pattern fashion as desired and also not as intense as desired. So, my OBGYN came in and broke my water at noon. This was SURELY going to increase the contractions and jump start labor. It did not increase the contractions, JUST my ability to feel the contractions. After the 3rd contraction with my water broken, I ordered the epidural. The first epidural (yes, first) was heavenly. He put it in my back and my entire body went limp. My feet fell asleep and I could not feel anything. But, by late afternoon, after starting and stopping the Pitocin MANY times (seeing if they could jump start natural contractions), I had only dilated to a 5 over the course of many hours. Sure enough, come 7 PM when the day time nurse was leaving, I was still at a 5. She lied and told me a 6, because I think she felt bad for me, but when the night nurse came in to check me, she said 5. It was about this time too that the first epidural wore off and I was starting to feel some immense pain. For awhile I kept hitting the button to give me more drugs, but it was not having ANY effect and so we ordered epidural number 2.

I was so happy to see the anesthesiologist enter the room again. He put in a second dose and I felt the cold move down my back, but it did not have the effect like the first time and all it did was take the edge off. By this point, I am in mild to severe pain, but what was worse was I was STARVING. Once they start you on Pitocin, you can't eat anything. I had now not eaten for an entire day and my stomach pains hurt almost as much as the contractions. The night nurse said that at a last ditch effort, they were going to increase the Pitocin level - what they did not tell me is that they were raising it to a 7. All day and for most people, they don't go above 2-3. I was so spent at this point and all I Could do was sit back and say a prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help me dilate and have this baby. Later, Chad told me that he said a prayer at that exact same point in the process.

My doctor said she was coming in at 11 PM and would check my progress. If nothing had changed, she would have to do a C-section as my water would be broken for too long. This was when it got really hard. The pain was bad, I was so hungry and really nauseous. I kept telling the night time nurse that I was nauseous, but she kept just nodding her head, so I did not think anything of it. FINALLY, 11 PM rolls around and my nurse comes in to check me. Her face was PURE astonishment. She said that she had been watching my contractions and they were too irregular and not strong enough to dilate me, so she was merely checking because she was supposed to. She had NO FAITH that I had gotten past a 6. However, I know Heavenly Father had answered our prayers because I was at a 10. She called by OBGYN and I was going to begin pushing at midnight - almost an entire day after arriving at the hospital. 11:15 Chad took my mom home because I was having the baby and only 1 person can stay overnight. My mom did not want Chad to have to bring me home RIGHT after I had the baby, so she selflessly left to come back and meet him in the morning.

Right when Chad returned, I told him that the nurse has not checked on me and I was really nauseous I asked him to go get her? Immediately after saying that, I threw up all over myself...and I mean ALL over myself. So, add dehydrated to the list :) They came in the room and had to completely re-dress me. At this point I was spent. I tried to stay calm because I was going to have to push in less than 20 mins at this point.

The doctor came in at 12 AM and started prepping. I started pushing around 12:30 AM. The doctor was having a really hard time telling me when to push since my contractions were still very irregular and never really peaking at high points. I however, could feel the contractions since the epidurals wore off, so I was directing them as to when I wanted/needed to push. The nurse got nervous because she said that I was pushing too often and really close together (her exact words were, "we don't want to blast this baby out"), but I was in too much pain to NOT push. Chad said that I was very delirious at this point. The doctor, the nurse and he kept asking me questions while pushing and I was simply just not responding. It was like I was in a haze. After 1 hr and 19 minutes of pushing (almost constantly), Parker Michael Pharo was born on September 8, 2012 at 1:43 AM.

He had pooped while in me, so they immediately took him, cut the umbilical cord and started to suck the fluids out of his lungs. Luckily, he was healthy and all was well there.

Finally, after I had come to grips, Chad brought me some beef jerky and our son and we were both blissfully happy. He had a full head of hair and was so handsome.

I am tired of typing haha so look for the next post about our stay in the hospital: the good, the bad and the ugly.

Buffalo, NY - Land of Wind and Wonder :)

Chad had not seen his Grandma Clemons since he was 8 years old (that is 17 years folks), so we decided to make a trip to Buffalo, NY to visit her.

While we were there we got some wonderful pictures and stories for our family history and visited Palmyra NY and Niagara Falls. Oh, and we also ate the famous Buffalo wings, Ted's hot dogs and Buffalo Roast Beef! What's a vacation without food??

Below are some pictures from our trip!

Due to the wind and wet ground, we could not go into the Sacred Grove, but we still were able to sit right next to it and ponder...

Sacred Grove to the right - beautiful scene - looks like it came out of a book!

Upstairs in the Smith Log Cabin - where Angel Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith

The Smith Frame home - where the Golden Plates were hidden several times from mobs

Palmyra Temple

Chad in front of the temple (see top left corner)

Niagara Falls

We crossed the border into Canada because Chad wanted it to be an "international" vacation - Turns out you need 50 cents per person to return to the US - thanks goodness for coin machines!

me and Grams

Chad and Grams

Easters

There are probably only a handful of people on this earth that immediately thought of Nacho Libre when reading the title of this post...if you are one of them, I think we are meant to be ;)

Anyway, this year for Easter, Chad and I went to Chattanooga to spend Easter with the Morehouses (also known as the Morehomes... k, maybe that is only funny to Chad and me). It was really fun and relaxing!

We ate, played with goats, ate, played with chickens, ate, pet a horse, ate, ate and ate. We love going to Katie's because she is such a good cook, but we hate how we look when we leave!

Below are some pictures to enjoy!

That is the closest to a smile I could get out of little Addie!

Luke - looking all schnazzy for church

Allergies make me look like I am crying...oh well

Us :) - Looking awkward as always...

"Behind" the Scene

Due to LAME weather, my girl's camp, camp out was CANCELLED at the last minute...At first I was bummed but then something occurred to me - I had the weekend 100% clear of any responsibility...

That is when Chad and I took a spontaneous Bike Ride Trip to the Silver Comet Trail. Let me tell you how epic this event was - I cannot think of ANYTHING that Chad and I have ever done that was spontaneous.

It was awesome, we loaded the bikes onto our bike rack and headed out! Chad and I have never gone on a long bike ride so we just decided to ride 10 miles there and back and see how tired it made us. Let me tell you, it was a BLAST!!!

When we were done we headed to the Taco Truck (my second love in life, the first being Chipotle). I, of course, demolished a burrito and two tacos, thank you very much!

The only negative to the entire spontaneous event is that my BEHIND hurts like all get out!

I think I have found my new hobby and my new next purchase - a padded bike seat - maybe they have a down feather one ;)

...I forgot my camera...so pictures to come from our NEXT trip!